Bloody rational thoughts

Last night he said the words I have said many times lately although i'm not sure i meant it at all,

the same words that everyone tells me

'maybe we should end it when you leave'

of course this hurt

i wanted him to disagree with me like he always does or to say nothing

how can i possiby be hurt when hes just aggreeing with me, for the first time on this matter

I mean what rational future does this relationship has?

we do the horrible thing of long distance for god knows how long

then what?

then either he has to re-locate to Melb or me to HK

either way is not practical either way is not fair.

Life sucks sometimes

but that doesn't mean i'm going to not enjoy the last month i have with him nor does it neccesary mean we will break up when i leave

as rational as it is we have spoke about it and want to try the irrational alternative at least for a little while.

I should be happy right?

I'm going home

the place where i have lived for almost 20 years (born and lived in tas for while)

where all my family and most of my good friends are

but i'm not

i'm sad

i'm not ready to go home

to face my reality in Melbourne

its such a crazy thought considering how many times in the past i wanted so badly to be back

A couple of things have happened

and the choice was basically made for me

i'm coming home in less than two months.