Becoming Mellow

I think its happening to me in my old age.

Ok so i'm not old but i certainly am starting to lose the edge.

I had a weird call tonight on my mobile phone.

Some woman (at least i think it was a woman) called me tonight and started asking me all sorts of questions while in the past i may have just hung up on her tonight i talked to her. I didn't answer all her questions but i aksed her why she wanted to know. It turns out that her boyfriend had my number in his phone. Now i've never heard of her boyfriend. So rather than say something unconstructive i simply and camly explained that while i know whats its like to be cheated on she has the wrong person and besides i live in HK there is no way i'm managing a long distance relationship with someone who has a partner.

I talked to her for about 15 minutes, poor gal having her heart broken by her boyfriend (don't i know what thats like). I waited till she had said all she could and ended the call despite the fact that it was in fact costing me hefty international roming costs.

I found them today:

Popcorn
Braggs
Flaxseed oil

Yes vegan essentials

God bless City Super

The dating game

I've been accused of being a serial long term dater.

I've been proposed to twice.

The other two people i dated(seriously) spoke about spending the rests of their life with me.

Then how can i be sacred of commitment you ask?

Because of those exact relationships.

Sometimes what you want is right in front of you.

But more surprising is the realisation that what you want is actually inside yourself.

In a bad way

I saw him laying on the ground while people walked over him as if he didn't exist.

Bruised.

T-shirt ripped so that there was hardly any material left on his upper body.

Bandages on his right leg.

Blood.

Crutches.

and all i can do is ask why?

A confession

No doubt inspired by the movie 'Message in a bottle' i wrote a letter and placed it inside a bottle and threw it into the ocean. I'm not sure what details i left about myself, hopefully very little. It was a silly thing to do, my girl friend and myself giggled while i threw it but deep down it was my way of letting go of a relationship when i was about 18.

Someone once said "Love's a full contact sport...you play it long enough and two things are bound to happen: 1)you'll get hurt, 2) you'll hurt someone else."

No one said that both could happen in a matter of a couple of months.

I feel a little like that teenager today (hence the love quote).

Freudian text?

I have a terrible habit of sending a text message to the wrong person, the very wrong person!

Telling the friend that is bugging you just how much they are annoying you instead of telling someone else, telling your ex partner that you had a great night with the person you are currently seeing instead of telling the person you are seeing and many other awkward situations.

I wonder though whether its a similar phenomena to a Freudian slip. Perhaps you unconsciously want the person you accidentally sent the text message to know, or you are unconsciously thinking so much about that person that your fingers select their number instead of the person it is intended for.

My happy list.

Since when...

have I listened to other peoples advice anyway

"Heavy rains May-September make the season a bad time to visit. From May-October, typhoons with strong winds are likely."

"You've grown up Kristy"

This coming from someone who held my hand about 4 years ago after one of the most traumatic experiences in my life.

From someone else this would seem patrionising but i understood (and no he was not referring to me leaving the country.)

We have a marriage pact he reminded me, if in 8 years we are both alone then...

It was strange thinking about what has happened since we first become friends, what the experience did to me, who i've become.

I felt sad because he was and has been one of my greatest friends and i will not see him for a while.

I felt sad as we talked about leaving my little sister.

I felt sad about leaving tonight.

But thankful for our friendship, for the 'old times', for knowing that there is at least one person who was there, who saw what I did, what i went through, the struggle and the resiliency.

And thankful for he cared enough to try to give me a lecture.

I feel like i'm cheating on you blog #1

Here is the more mundane Hong Kong Blog

Watch out though for lots of mushy family/friend posted comments inlcuding comments from my younger sister and cousins.

Lost

My filofax.

Major diaster.

Organisation of everything gone.

Please family, friends, strangers if you see a non leather charcoal colour filofax please return it asap.

Whats a blogger to do.

My little sister (whos only 12) knows about my blog, at the moment she not interested in reading it. However, last night she announced to all my family that they can read my blog when i'm away and even went to say the address (shes knows the bluer than pink part). This blog reveals more than i want my whole family to know however the idea of sending many group emails isn't appealing either. Therefore i've been thinking about starting another blog. A not so personal one that i give to all my friends and family it also saves me from answering the same questions repeatedly. Great in theory but do i really want two blogs? And then how do i choose which information goes where.

Does anyone know anyone who has two blogs, what do you think? Or should i just stick to group emails?

And then if i do start a new one what do i call it?

Urgent

I want to talk to you now

but of course i can't and i wonder if i will ever get up the momentum again to say everything i want to say in this moment of clarity.

I wonder why now when I feel so weird due to the combination of tiredness and caffeine high that i have such certainty.

Maybe the moment will pass and you will never know.

Maybe your not supposed to know.

Its friday night

around 10pm and i'm home alone. Eating pumpkin hummus and tomato dip with turkish bread in front of my computer whilst getting ready for bed. I'm sorry if your perception of that says boring or sad or something like that because i feel indulgent (i get to double dip) and relatively content and the opportunties are there to do something else but i don't want to. Besides i'm tired and i'm starting to think i won't get many opportunities like this for the rest of the week and this is after all my final week (providing no further problems with flight, working visa blah blah).

Choices

Its seems so strange to me that my leaving for Hong Kong comes down to one choice now either leave on the friday night and arrive early sat morning or leave sat morning and arrive sat evening.

Arghhh getting excited and scared now.

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Armed with a Vegan passport

I'm now ready

Ani Difranco





Which Ani DiFranco Album Are You?

Brought to you by Tracie

"You are to the teeth. You're opionated, somewhat stubborn... you like the world to know where you stand on everything, whether they want to know or not. Some might call you imflammatory, others enlightened. But isn't everything just a matter of perspective?"

Thats a bit harsh isn't it?

I wonder how much it has to do with my current mood.

Which one are you?

Ahhhh

I got clarity this morning. Its such an amazing thing. I feel that i'm one step closer to working out what i want to do career wise and strangely enough it didn't come from looking into career options. It came from waking up and thinking what a wonderful person one of my friends is. I won't out them since i know they don't want the attention but without even realising it, without even trying they taught me a powerful lesson. Wow actually a few lessons. They didn't offer advice last night when we spoke but just a ear and some time. I realised the beauty of unconditional love something many people miss out on unfortunately, i realised that as a person the best i can do is be all the qualities i believe in, i realised that if i want to make some sort of difference it must be expressed through love, kindness, and compassion not through frustration, sadness and anger, i realised that looks can be deceiving, i realised that i can do whatever i want including combining the areas that i care about the most, i realised how empowering one person can be on your life, i realised that sometimes the not spoken is more powerful than words and more importantly i realised what i want to do for the causes i care about.

I plan on spending the next six to twelve months in Hong Kong discovering the fine points of that plan and making it happen.

Thank you friend just for being you!

Family

In the space of one hour:

Nan C: You can't eat that (motioning to the popcorn that i'm eating) it must have something in it thats not vegan.
Nan D: Maybe she'll come home with a nice Chinese man or a nice Chinese woman (huh?)
My little bro: what is that crap? (motioning towards my cd playing in the car)

Yes i think i might be the black sheep of the family.

Random stuff

I'm better now and officially single.

I now have my glasses and today i will start wearing them.

I also leave to go overseas soon and it has just started to hit me.

I have two gold class tickets to use.

The sun is shining

Life my friend is good!