Just a thought now

But i'm thinking quite seriously about ending this blog all together.

I'm thinking about going back to writing in a journal you know the old pen and paper style, yes so old fashioned.

I'm finding more and more that i have to sensor things: there are some things i don't want everyone reading

there are things that i don't want specific people seeing

and yet i want to write and keeping two blogs (who does that anyway?) and a journal is just impossible

i'll continue my mundane blog so that family and friends can be updated if they wish.


Maybe i will end it

or maybe it just 2am thinking.

A crush

He lives in Sydney

Is absolutely gorgeous

and uses his phd to help animals

a pity that he literally doesn't know i exist

and for all i know he is married or gay

but still its nice to know i can have feelings like that again

its been a while!

My sis

I still remember the day that she fell asleep in my arms.

She questions the waste of energy of the city building lights which are left on all night (something i've never thought about til then).

She questions why instead of a second series of 'the bachelor' there isn't a bachelorette show?

She proudly tells people her sister is a vegan and then tells me with surprise that they don't even know what it is but she explained it to them.

She is a natural animal lover despite the fact that she has seen many pass away. (something that stopped me from being one growing up)

She is currently looking after about five little stray kittens and personally feeding them milk via a dropper until they are well enough to find new homes.

She happily replaced one of my old habits: chatting on the phone to friends for long periods while laying on MY bed with her feet up on the wall.

Unlike her big sister she has musical ability, can sing, dance, and play the piano.

She has a weird sense of humour.

She has several admirers and one persistent one.

She will happily chat away with one of mine or my brothers friends as if they are her own.

And she not even out of primary school.

Shes not even a teenager.

The world better look out.

Thoughts

From my death bed

or rather drugged state.

Do you ever have those moments in your life where you wake up, read something, or just something happens and you start questioning everything about your life right down to who you are and what are you doing with your life?

I'm obviously having one of those now. Partly due to the fact that i feel like a zombie trapped inside all sick and drugged up for days with no real stimulation.

These thoughts seem to frequent more since reading Girlfriend in a coma by Douglas Copeland (sp?).

I mean I don't think its necessarily a bad thing.

I think questioning is good.

Things need to be questioned and more often if you ask me.

Somehow though questioning your own life, and what personal accomplishments you've made is different though.

I don't have the answers right now

maybe when the effects of the speed i mean pseudoephedrine dies down i will.

I think i'm possibly cursed

Imagine:

Having a cold which basically consists of a irritating cough, headache and runny nose which is blown so many times your nose appears to look something like Rudolf.

Eating some bad bad Indian food which resulted in you staying up most of the night with major stomach cramps, vomiting and unmentionable problems in the nether regions.

Then waking up at 7.30am after very little sleep to leave for work and as your leaving inform your flatmate of your sickness and then requesting that if they get a chance can they get some toilet paper, peppermint tea (great for cold and stomach) and get some plain rice when they get some dinner.

Imagine working for 9 hours with pretty much all of the above symptoms present (minus vomiting) in addition to feeling quite weak. The children tease you that you have Sars and ask why your nose is red (don't you love their honesty?)

Then you leave work finally after what seems to be like the longest working day of your life and wanting nothing more than to curl up in front of the TV or even bed with plain rice.

You call your flat mates mobile, you call home no answer on either one. Aha he is probably buying plain rice to be ready when i get home like the sweetie he is.

Half way through the 30 minute journey home your mobile rings and he asks you to come to mutual friends place for dinner. You very politely explain that this is most likely not a good idea because of your sickness.

Obviously no rice for me.

You finally arrive home only to reach into your bag and find no key.

You call flat mate, he promises to leave friends and will be home in 45 minutes.

You wonder around to a restaurant where you order plain rice much to the confusion of staff.

1 hour later and over 12 hours since you left home your flatmate arrives and you finally walk in the door feeling like walking death.

Well at least there is toilet paper.

No such luck

Sleep now!

Guess who is going back to Australia to live?

And no its not me

Well not quite yet anyway

Why i have so few belongings

Well i'm pretty much always been poor.

Mostly due to the fact that:

a) i've been a student for so long

b) what little money i do have is mostly spent on food.

And no its not that i'm a vegan.

I just love my food,

and i need my convenience foods from time to time.

I often pay more for the product if it tastes slighter better.

The combination of health food (expensive) and junk food (expensive) really adds up.

Its all about priorities you see and food is pretty high up there.

Over drinks on sat night with a friend from Melbourne.

I recapped the last four- five months since we last really spoke.

I had trouble explaining choices, why they were made and even what i was thinking at the the time.

I guess thats the thing about irrational choices.

Rational you looks back and can't see at all.

Ways to get a gal to notice you.

Persist, persist and when that fails do your research.

Find out what she cares about (in my case veganism) and use it to show her you care.

I was wrong about H he really is putting up a good fight.

Matrix kind of day

Just got back from watching Matrix Revolutions.

Overall it was pretty good however i would have preferred more face to face combat.

And just got a an email form a friend about The Meatrix.

Check them both out!

Ok sat night and i feel like writing about a hundred things but i'll settle for 10.

1. I need to change my hair it has faded to this terrible mousy colour. I need to change it asap. Either lighter or darker. I'm leaning towards darker. Amber my lovely hairdresser friend if you find yourself reading my blog: what should i do or rather when can you fly over? Once i get the colour sorted it out i will cut it. I have been thinking about going shorter for some time now but not sure if i'm ready short short just yet. The one thing that has prevented me from doing it so far is i don't think that i have the sort of face that looks best with short hair. You know: pretty, long cheekbones, small nose etc. Which reminds me of point number two.

2. Happy birthday Erin I really wish i could have got you something. In fact i was planning on getting you something from your Amazon wish list as soon as i discovered that you had one which was about three weeks ago (when i added you to my friend list). But i'm afraid i don't have the cash. Still your obviously still in my thoughts and i hope you get to eat lots of yummy food and relax with no work for your birthday. Also make sure you check your mail.

3. I was being watched tonight on the mtr and it got me thinking what would i be thinking if it was me observing me. Ok here goes:

She seems so engrossed in her book, but then the mtr stops and she folds the page and closes the book. What a terrible way to treat a book. But then she re- opens the book as if she couldn't keep away, or maybe she realised that there was still such a long way to go and so boring without the book. She smirks to herself half way through a page (in the country where facial expressions are to be kept neutral but then she is a gwaipo) and then seems to realise that she's smiling reading a book because she looks up as if to see if anyone has noticed and the man across is smiling at her: yes he seen it. She smiles embarrassingly. I wonder what made her smile like that. Maybe it took her back to a happier time, maybe she thought of the one, maybe it was a happy ending to a sad chapter; maybe it was a funny joke in the book, maybe she just discovered who the killer is. She reads for a little longer and while she doesn't smile with her mouth, her eyes deceive her by crinkling in the corners just like a child does when it smiles. She obviously happy about something i wonder if just the book or her life. She looks up as the mtr stops again and folds the page again. Such disrespect for a book she's obviously enjoying. She hops on to the platform and because she is taller than most she slowly disappears into the crowd .

4. Being alone is great. I don't just mean being single (although i am enjoying that especially at the moment) but some time away from friends and family. I so strongly recommend traveling by yourself as much i hate being away my friends and family. I've felt like i've got to know myself so much better. Although i still at a loss to what i will do career change. Also much to my surprise i enjoy living by myself. I know i don't technically live by myself but Michael is here so infrequently that it feels like it.

5. I've learnt to let go. I've replaced alot of my anger towards people who have hurt me to actually worrying about them. I started being reasonable and asking why they did the things they did rather than how it affected me.

6. Remember H i'm sure i've spoke about him before (too lazy to link back though). Well i think he has finally gave up. It was wimpy of me i know but i purposely didn't answer some of his calls; and turned every single offer for various different outings (party, hiking, shopping) since he has got back. But then he never formally asked me out. As perfect as he is or seems it just doesn't seem right, well not now anyway (i've learned never to say never).

7. Am i thinking about cooking and food to much if i actually think in my head of describing a small section of the crowd as a teaspoon?

8. I'm actually going to miss somethings about Hong Kong when i go back. I don't know why this took so long to sink it.

9. Can i be called highly predictable when i call a restaurant and order and they say miss kristy yes? pickup? and its generally on a sat night oh yes and its always the same dish and rice. Well in my defense. They only have one vegan option and two its the closest restaurant to me for a quick pick up on a sat night (the busiest and most tiring working days for me: 9.5 hours of jumping and down and playing animated kristy). The rest of the week i assure you as i try to assure myself that i am highly unpredictable and as i stated elsewhere so unpredictable i need do grocery shopping at least every second day.

10. Now that my working visa has come through, and i can actually earn money rather than spent someone else's. I can start doing some of those things that inspired me to come here in the first place like wing chun. About bloody time

I'm treating myself to some choc chip ice cream today.

I think i've earned it for two things this months.

One asking for help (in the form of borrowing money) something i absolutely hated but if i didn't I would have starved to death by now.

And today I confronted my boss about being short changed about my pay by about $1,000 hk dollars (approx au $200).

Where in the hell ...?

Do i get all my energy?

And no its not the sugar apart from fructose i'm sugar free (well for the moment)

I'm really not sure what i am supposed to do with it at the moment.

When i can afford to i will buy some runners and then start running.

And then wing chun

Some hiking.

Also maybe some yoga.

You think i would use it all on the children but nah.

Stu has named this phenomena: pogo stick kristy.

When there is just so much energy i almost burst.

Dancing

Maybe i will use it all up dancing.

It worked last weekend.