I am woman hear me roar
I chose some what of a sarcastic title for the rant that is about to follow.
I had two slightly unrelated yet related disagreements today.
Today at work i was talking with co-worker A about lunch when co-worker B attacked me on the whole vegan thing.
The worst part co-worker b is a vegetarian and his argument against veganism was that socially it was too difficult.
Yes, the whole conformity issue!
I then said actually its not so bad, a little more difficult than vegetarianism but there is generally food options around. He then went on to probe more and more, what about ?, to which i replied with what dishes i ate where and also commented that i have more of an issue getting a meal without fish than eggs and dairy since when i eat out at non veg restaurants it tends to be at asian restaurants (thai/chinese etc) more than anything else and they don't generally use dairy, that wasn't enough though. Nothing was enough, what about italian? to which i answered i normally eat ... I even told him about the few choices i had at food courts. The conversation went on from there to, to the social issue. The whole thing i found pretty hypocritical considering almost all of the arguments could be made forth against a vegetarian diet: limits your choices, holier than thou, makes eating out hard, socially difficult, what you won't have a little bit of mayo? what you won't have a little bit of fish sauce, chicken stock, minced meat etc etc?
And the whole social thing please conformity and mainstream doesn't make it right. The majority once thought a lot of things that we now don't consider ok to be ok: like slavery.
As if to make matters worse I realised that once again i'm seen as the bad guy, if i defend myself i'm seen as argumentative, how does that work?
To confirm this further i finally had enough of arguing and walked away so i could continue eating my lunch which was taking way too long to eat and of course no sooner had i walked away had my work colleagues started talking about me behind my back.
Guys if you are going to do to it try to make it subtle!
My question to you though is what should i do? To me it seems like a lose lose situation. I figure if is say nothing or choose not to discuss it then they think they are right and frankly veganism doesn't get a fair hearing.
Talking with an acquaintance after work about renting and he got all argumentative about how i should buy a house blah blah. I then said no its not for me, of course that wasn't enough he wanted to know why? and then kept going on and on. I don't even care much about the issue but i do care about people telling me what to do. So i played a long with a few reasons why i am not buying a house right now.
The problem I have with both issues is if i've seen talking my mind or even defending myself particarualy if it is a view outside the norm than i am seen by others as emotional, opinionated, argumentative, difficult etc.
If a man does exactly the same thing then no one blinks a eye.
On the other hand, why do I have to defend myself to others? and why the hell do others care so much when you do or feel differently about a issue?
The proposed answer: they feel threatened, often its about their own insecurities projected onto you, or it makes them question themselves.
Hence the reason vegetarians often feel more uncomfortable about vegans than anyone else.
I realised as soon as i got home what may have prompted the first demand that i defend MY CHOICES.
In the first case, co-worker b is vegetarian and earlier on the day we were talking about making risotto and he mentioned he put both cheese and sour cream in it. Cheese i get, but sour cream? that was my statement. I then make some passing joke about vegetarians over-using dairy (i'm reading diet for a new america at the moment will explain later) and about it overpowering the other flavours. I should have realised then that i what did insensitively was made him feel like i was attacking his lifestyle, when in fact it was actually all about flavour, and really who put sour cream in risotto? Vegetarian friends please feel free to jump on here and tell how i don't normally criticise your lifestyle choice.
I'm also quite certain that most of the things he said to me had ben said to him by a meat eater about vegetarianism.
In the second case, i suspect that he had some insecurities about being well into his late 20s and still living with his parents so he could buy a home. I suspect that quite a few people gave him a hard time about that and hence the projection onto me.
Ahhh people people people!
The thing is, it in actual fact MY life and MY choices.
if i'm wrong with my proposed answers, then why do you care so much about something that actually has no impact on your life?
You would think that i was doing something wrong from the way it is demanded that i explain myself when in actual fact in the first instance I'm living a lifestyle i choose to minimise suffering much the same as yours. I never once said vegetarianism was bad or that you weren't doing enough, or that i was holier than thou in anyway. In case two i'm simply broke.
This was written on my own blog so i could get it off my chest! I don't intend to participate in any more arguments at least not this evening, i'm tired.
I know there is a strong possibility that co-worker b will read this but i am not going behind your back about how it made me feel as i told you i was disappointed today.
If you do have issue with it written up here or want to keep asking me to DEFEND my OWN actions, email me.