A choice

I got the results of my ultrasound and other fun internal test on sat. My doctor told me that I have a large cyst on one of my ovaries (6cm) and as a result of that and my symptoms that she suspects that I have endometriosis. Part of me felt a little relieved that I might have an actual reason for issues I have been having issues with my period. I wasn't too concerned with the idea of having endometriosis either since I remember reading articles about it and have heard of others having it and I remembered it being common.

Then I started reading and reading. I discovered that endometriosis is the second leading cause of infertility in females. Also for more advanced endometriosis a hysterectomy is needed.

It was crazy I might not even have endometriosis let alone be infertile (many women have it and are not infertile) or need a hysterectomy but I had this overwhelming sadness.

I still don't understand it. I'm not even sure I want children and Mr T and I have hypothesised that if we do that we would seriously consider adoption. I'm also one of those people who don't understand why some couples spend so much money and time on IVF when there are other options like adoption. I'm even had great philosophical discussions about the obsession to have 'your own children' in the face of overpopulation and the effects on the environment. But somehow now I MAY be removed of a choice and I just feel sad. I feel like a hypocrite.

On the upside I may not have to worry about contraception.

Without private health insurance it will probably be a couple of months before I am able to have a Laparoscopy to figure out if I have it.