More personal than political

I have to apologise for my lack of posts and general lack of comments on other blogs too.

Things have kind of spun around for me lately. I'm about to go from two jobs to none. Or one but only for a month if I am lucky. That unfortunately also looks like it will fall apart.

I thought it was a little sad a couple of months ago when I discovered that both Mr T and I were classified as minimum wage. Sure I didn't think we were earning great money but I also thought there was people earning less. Nope, we are at the bottom. Well now it's less than that. I'm on half minimum wage.

So what am I doing about it? Looking for work of course, but finding part time employment is a thousand times harder than finding a full time job. Especially when you have to be pretty picky with hours.

It's gotten to me lately and I can't seem to enjoy anything, just stressed about how I will survive throughout the most expensive time of the year.

I really realised today how much it is affecting me though when I burst out crying at a friends place. Hence this post: blog therapy :-)

This week I have a job interview for the only suitable job I have managed to find in the last 2 months. I had my doubts about getting it anyway due to lack of experience in the field, but now I think my chances are even less since there is so much pressure on me getting it.

It's gotten so bad I even considered lying and getting a full time job and doing that for a couple of months til I have to return to uni ( only 1 more year of masters to go). But that of course would mean I'm back to square one with my unemployment situation in a couple of months and I would feel bad about lying and getting trained and starting only to leave.

The strangest thing is you would think that will all this extra time I would be productive: get some work done on my thesis, even house work. But No. I don't have the motivation to do anything, except for search frantically for jobs and mope. I'm also not bad at pretending that I have money and window shopping and wasting time on etsy.com. I'm forcing myself to do productive things, but I'm amazed by the energy required to actually overturn my desire to do nothing and mope. It's beyond my normal laziness, it's a force of it's own.

I'm trying to tell myself happy thoughts too. At least I have my health, have friends and family and I know I am lucky but I would feel a lot lot lot better if I had even a little more financial security. It's scary not knowing how I will pay for things.

Fingers crossed for this interview!!!

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Edited to add: I just realised it hasn't been so long since I last posted afterall. I guess it just feels longer.