Oh fuck it.

I'm going to do the regrettable. I feel like crap right now not sadness, not anger just a state of weird trance type confusion. I don't want to think about this too much because I don't want some scientific answer or theory to explain it (yes including any psychology). I feel numb. I hate all this stuff with Mr M I need to move on or go back or something. I know what i should do and i know what I want to do but there not the same thing. I just want him in the same damm country, I want a hug.

I'm filled with so many why's most of which i don't think I want the answer to. I need time out from everything from thinking about this from trying too hard re anything to do with Mr M.

I need a holiday instead I have a busy weekend. Two parties tonight a new hair cut to match my new colour (which I love). Another party tommorrow in which i barely know anyone. A avril concert (yeha i know...)i'm taking my little sis to for her birthday present. Its going to be one interesting weekend considering my mood.

I know it will get better, I know it will sort it out. I know that next week, or tommorrow I will be different or maybe even tonight but that doesn't stop me from feeling or stop my feelings from being mine and important to me right now.