Have a very merry xmas

and an awesome new year!

My two front teeth

He got the last seat on the flight to melb

what more could a girl ask for?

Stuff

Toby might be coming her for xmas and new years eve-a whole week in melb. Trying to not get my hopes up too much yet.

Went and seen the killers last night and was pleasantly surprised. They are not in my list of all- time fav bands but were a lot of fun to watch despite being in too big of a venue(the palace) with too many people. The atmosphere was great apart from a few who thought that it was ok to dance by elbowing the people behind you.

Have almost finished xmas shopping. One more gift to go and of course I need to organise the shipping of tobys gift/s if he's not coming (will find out on mon).

Since he might be coming i thought i might actually make something to go along with the roasted veggies for xmas lunch. Possibly this.

Vertigo

This morning i woke up with pretty bad vertigo

i actually questioned whether I was cursed with all the bad luck i've been having

and then i spent an hour cursing the lack of doctors in the western suburbs

after calling 16 doctors with no luck (either not taking new patients or need to wait a day or two for an appointment) i was able to be squeezed in with my mothers connection at 5.40pm

so i went to work

my luck changed at about 4pm when i check my phone (on silent) and discovered i had voicemail

the voicemail message made me so happy that the smile on my face before i even finished listening gave it away to one my fav colleagues

i jumped in the air

my colleague hi- fived me

and i hugged him

i was so unbeliveably happy

Yes, I got into Masters!

WTF?

I have put on weight

about 5 kilos

yes me

the one who people generally tease for being too thin.

my male friend actually said to me a few months ago 'if you put on a bit of weight you would be more attractive'

when i was younger i was teased so much about being 'anorexic' that i wanted to put on weight

not now though , now- well before i was happy with myself

i don't understand how after 20 something years of life i've suddenly put on weight

my little sister who has always been on the chuppy side now weighs less than me

granted after returning here i drive everywhere rather than walk everywhere as i did in hk

that and i don't eat as healthy here

arghhhhhhhhh

but that means from now i will have to think about my weight like 90% of the aus population

fucking great

on the plus size my weight has meant an increase in womanly parts of the body (yes i've actually gone up a size)- that i can handle

but a stomach

yuck!

I'm about ready to jump and down and throw a tantrum right now at least i feel i should

in the car driving today i even made a loud fake crying noise which made me feeel a teeny bit better (something along the lines of aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhahahahhhhh)

god knows my poor co-workers have heard enough complaining too

and toby probably is starting to forget happy- non complaining me

the problem is: all i want for xmas is toby

the problem is he can't come for xmas

and its not his fault

its not my faullt

its his works fault

bastards

well according to him its not his work 'its just production'

see thats the problem with being rational and mature you can't blame anyone- theres no one to direct all your anger and frustration at.

mind you i have known this for a while

but every single day it hurts me a little more and as i get closer and closer to xmas

not only will he miss xmas but also new years, valentines day, my birthday , our anniversary and lots of cool music shows.

i want to be sharing

i'm sick of having seperate lifes

arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

the other major thing which is relatively crappy in my life is that i don't think i got into masters (i should have heard by now) which in turn means i'm stuck doing wonderful jobs like working in call centres

the main reason i returned was to do masters

yes life is bloody great

Mun sum mo quai
(rough translation:ask heart without shame?)

i have two more cantonese classes before i finish the beginner classes

i drove one of the other classmates sarah home today and we chatted about the challenges that face chinese in laws (her s.o is australia chinese)

we both agreed that between visa problems and problems with future in laws that if it weren't for the fact that we both loved our partners an incredible amount we would just give up

we also chatted about horrible long distant relationships

arghhhhhhhh won't even start

-------------------------------------------------

wed was a crazy day for the whole fam!

i had my masters interview

mum had an operation

and my bro was supposed to find out about work cover stuff

all three went ok-ish. i discovered in the interview that this is something that i do really want

i find out by the end of the week if i'm accepted

the plan at the moment is if i get in he moves here

if not i go back to HK for two years and re-apply

its all in fates hands now

Things that treally irritate me right now:

• girls that wear mini skirts and singlets in melbs very very cold weather, why oh why?????
• the government not supporting masters which is a must for becoming qualified in psy
  
• people who voted for howard and who will no doubt go into hiding when interest rates go up - stupid selfish pricks
• the long distance with mr t
• all the shit that is happening to everyone close to me

and so much more.....

arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

A day of good news...

I got a phone call asking me to come in for interview (on wed) for masters in psy

or maybe bad...

only to discover that 'Masters and Doctorate level studies are not approved courses for Youth Allowance.'

yes somehow i am supposed to do my placements, core subjects and thesis and also find time to work enough to pay for rent, bills and food

if somebody knows someone who has managed to do this please let me know

Go out and watch Hero

pllllllllllllllllleassssssseeeeeeee

i've been dying to discuss the movie (particularly the politics)

but no one has seen it and i'm not one to ruin the ending for others

Sometimes..

Life is very very shitty

it breaks my heart that people so close to me are hurting due all sorts of problems

i was a believer in karma once upon a time but lately

i look beside me and see amazing, great, kind people who are suffering

and then i turn and see that the biggest assholes in the world doing extremely well for themselves in every possible way

and feel like screaming

Watched Hero tonight

and if i had to sum up the movie in one world i would have to say:

Stunning!

When i grow up....

i want to be a veg food critic

i couldn't think of a better job really

so its going to be my volunteer job- well kind of

i'm going to start reviewing some of the veg restaurants in melb

on here

not sure of the specifics yet but watch out

Rewind to mid June

I am about to board a plane to return to melb

at the airport with my man

go to check in hand over my passport and the woman at the counter asks wheres your ticket

i say to her 'no i have an electronic ticket' (holllllllllllllllllllllly shit)

she repeats no i am supposed to have a ticket

it turns out she is right and almost 12 months ago i was handed a ticket (that somewhere along the way i misplaced)

as a result she tells me that i can't board the plane without buying another ticket

i try to call my travel agency to see if they can fax something

from a pay phone that cuts out several times before i can get to them

finally i get through and they do fax it but no thats not enough proof apparently

oh my what a nightmare

i can feels my eyes burning up

what the hell am i going to do

she tells me AGAIN if i want to board the plane i have to re purchase another ticket

i ask how much

approximately au$2,000

toby is now by my side now starting to ask in her Cantonese (in case there is some sort of language confusion)

for a one way ticket?

nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

i don't have the money

SHIT! i was returning to aus with about $1,500

after alot of asking from me in Eng and him in canto she tells me that i will get most of the money back (minus maybe $200 a lost ticket fee)

ok ok i can do this

the whole point of me returning today rather than in 2 weeks is to see my little sisters debut dance performance (by herself) the following day

i have to be on this plane

so i get toby to run and get all the money out of my bank account (by this stage i am almost late to board the plane)

and put the other part of my almost maxed out cc

I'm crying by now, crying from how crazy the situation, this is not how HK is supposed to end

he returns and i purchase another ticket

i have about 2 minutes to say goodbye

i hug him and cry really cry, cry not for the ticket or the mess of the airport because i don't want to leave, because i'm questioning maybe i shouldn't have made such a fuss to leave. i don't want to leave. People are staring at me hugging him and crying out loud. He is crying too, not making a big mess like me, not loudly like me but crying. Everyone else is really staring by now. We are at HK airport where people don't show any signs of any emotion, where kissing is banned. I tell him i love him and leave . The last image he has of me is me with my red blotchy crying face. How truly graceful!

Once i get through the gates i run and run and run to my plane. I'm way too late. I'm the last passenger to board the plane. I'm sure the fellow passenger next to me thinks i'm crazy i watch some stupid show on my little tv set and laugh then cry several times.

______________________________________

A few days later i return the form that they gave me and all my details to my flight centre for them to follow it up with Cathay Pacific.

I call up both Cathay and my flight centre several times in the last few months only to be told by each it takes at least 3 months for a refund to go through and i just have to wait.

Yesterday i call Cathay Pacific only to discover they have no record of receiving my form and without the new ticket (which i didn't make a copy of) they have no record of it in the system. They also claim that since it has been so long it makes it even harder to trace and that most probably i won't get the money back.

yes two tickets for one flight!

Not happy !!!

Scary stuff

handed in application for masters yesterday

A couple of things that i love and wish not to forget about him

His constant explantion of how a chinese saying perfecly fits the solution (half of wish i think he makes up)

his passion for music

him making me breakfast for me every morning

the effect he has on me where i constantly feel more relaxed and calmer

the total respect he has for me

his very strong moral standards

his horrible mock dancing (morrisey inspired :-0 )

his interesting facts (mostly music based) - i feel like i'm always learning

the fact that lives in one of the most conformist based societies and yet so rarely conforms

his hugs

his playfullness and energy

his cheekyness

the way he goes out of his way to help others

and also has no qualms about asking others for help or advice

his ability to put up with me even in the worst moods and just very politely tell me when i am by far out of line in my behaviour

the way in which we are both able to calmly and reasonably discuss and reflect on any arguments

his perservence in our relationship when i started to try to run away

the fact that he lives in such a fast paced crazy city and yet is one of the most laid back people i have met

the fact that our relationship has no game playing and that almost everything is explicity discussed

his little artistic photos with that annoying camera

his dedication for his passions no matter how time consuming

his ability to express his feelings (mind you in his second or third language)

our little walks at night time

his concern for my health at so much at a sneeze or cough

the way he makes me laugh at the stupidist things

his horrible horrible horrible singing

his wise advise

Shamless plug

Head to Albert Park tomorrow to enjoy the nice weather.

There will be music, races, face painting, stalls, massage, karate, trivia trail and of course great vegan food.

Plus i'll be there :-)

All in the name of World Vegan Day.

For more info see their website

Bright Eyes

I was talking to tobe last night about which bands we want to see live at the moment and one of the few ones we both want to see is Bright Eyes.

He introduced me to them before we were dating and i used to love playing their songs on my mp3 player running around hk, so raw, so much emotion, so great.

Anyhoo, getting away from main point: guess who i found out is coming to melb soon-ish?

Yes Mr Bright Eyes himself Conor Oberst.

In case your wondering:

Sunday 3rd of April Melbourne, Australia Rod Laver Arena with R.E.M.

Tuesday 5th of April Melbourne, Australia Prince Of Whales.


Double yay!!!


It kind of- almost makes me fell better about the fact that i can't afford to see PJ Harvey at the moment.

---------------------------------------

I've been fortunate enough to have two sundays off in a row

Last week i went to vo for breakfast and had the very sweet vegan french toast served with banana, ice cream and chocolate sauce, followed by a stroll at the st kilda beach market

Today i finally got around to checking out camberwell market with Erin where i picked myself up a pair of nice turqoise shell-ish earrings for $5

You gotta love sundays!

ngor jung yi sek mun gwoh

(or roughly translated: i like to eat mangoes)

in my third canto class tonight i learnt how to put very simple sentences (like the one above) together

the classes and the learning process in general is both frustrating and fun

there are 7 in my class and 6 out of 7 have chinese significant others

-----------------------------------

in other news:

I called up Toby last sunday night and was about to announce that i want to move back to hk (not suprising considering my previous post) when he announced that he thinks it will be a wiser decision that he moves here.

i'm still not sure

but if does come here it won't be til january at the earliest (which means being apart for xmas and new years eve, sob sob)

if he does move here i think I will go back and do my masters

which means quite possibly next year i will be going back to study, moving out and setting up an apartment with Toby.

2005 looks like be a very big year for me and an even bigger one for him!

Warning -political rant

It was sad evening

I'm glad i didn't stay home watching

i think i would have cried

What now will i say to people abroad when they question Australian policies

"well i didn't vote for him" perhaps

Despite my earlier prediction and almost every poll it was easy to remain some slight optimism when almost very person i associate with is anti-Howard for one reason or another.

To say that i am disappointed is an understatement.

What does this say about the majority of Australians? I would prefer to think they are ignorant in regard to politics then to believe that they selfishly chose interest rates (well their scaremongering) over education, health and the environment.

I fear what will become of this country in the next three years: a further decline in public education and health services, removal of Medicare, increase in university costs, a repeat of East Timor, a further destruction of their environment (don't even get me started on their sell out to the loggers of the Tasmania trees that i grew up climbing), refugees continuing to wait until we return them to their war torn countries, definitely more lies, and who knows what else.

Its not a proud day to be Australian!

Such a good girl

Despite a late night out last night

i managed to get to polling booth at 8am this morning

before work

and managed to vote below the line (65 can be a bit tricky when your half asleep)

a bit concerning was the family first volunteer (but then arn't they all?) handing out brochures

more concerning was the frequent pro liberal comments made around me (in a safe labour seat mind you)

highlight joke was made by the asian family behind me who joked about voting for One Nation

i managed to arrive at work at 8.30 , half an hour too early

Yaht (1), Yee(2), sum (3)

Had my first canto lesson tonight

and lets just say i am the dud of the class

it was mostly fun though.

Rough update

I spent alot of last weekend (my first 3 day weekend) at hospital with my little bro who fell off a roof injuring his back. My bro has a break in his fifth vertibrae and thankfully it doesn't look like any major nerve damage or operation is neccesary(as was initially feared). He is however off work and in a lot of pain.

If you want to see some interesting people on a sunday head down to the emergency section of western general (otherwise known as footscray) hospital. Some very distracting (thankfully) people watching.

Work has slightly improved thanks to a few great co-workers and the much needed new 30 staff that started on friday.

I think Howard is going to win the election (great- please note sacarsm). On that note of politics discovered that Andrew Barlett has his own blog as do the Greens.

I have not caught up with anyway lately due to family stuff (see above & below): I apologise! There still exists friends who i haven't caught up with since i got back (btw its been 3 months).

I'm sick of thinking about whether to go to HK or not and am no closer to a final decision. My bro injury and my stepdad's constant illness is making me feel very anxious about leaving just when i was getting ready to commit to actually going.

Got to see a couple of great shows a couple of weeks ago. Rock against Howard which showed three out of five very different and great perfomances and thanks to Erin I also saw Mark Kozelek who i had never heard of but was great.

Marketing Facts

One brand of juices has facts under their lids

but ones of the oddest places useless facts have started to show up is on sanitary packages

I can understand them being on toilet paper or some other male product considering the male tendency to spend a while in the toilet often reading

but for women I can't really see them sitting there wasting a little extra time reading 6 maybe 9 useless facts.

Last night there was a conversation about useless facts and I stated "babies aren't born with kneecaps they don't develop til they are between 2 to 5 years old".

When my little sister said 'I know' and started laughing uncontrollably I knew my secret was out.

Knowledge junkie

Top 5 things i want to learn:

wing chun
mosaic
swing dancing
cantonese
drums

It only just hit me.

How important the decision is.

If i don't leave.

Toby will give up his job (which he loves), family and friends to move to Melbourne without even visiting it.

I'm not even sure how well he do with communication. I'm sure the stronger Aussie accent will confuse him. His average English will no doubt cause a few problems for employment here too.

One of the options we discussed is me going back for a year or two allowing me time to discover whether i want to do my masters, allowing him to learn from his new role and improve his English.

It will only be for a few years because while HK is great while i am young, its not somewhere i want to live forever. Besides i just couldn't do it to my family whereas he is not very close with his family.

Whatever happens there will be some huge sacrifices from both parts.

Its such a struggle to be together but one i'm not willing to give in to without a huge fight.

Lucky in something

Its never been a better time to be me dating wise or so it seems

In addition to my friend throwing himself at me (see below)

i also had another friend end the friendship because well its just 'too hard just being friends' with me

and i got a text message from a guy i dated (by dated i mean one perhaps two dates) almost four years ago (who i haven't spoken to since) inviting me out. He actually named the movie (meet the parents) we watched so i would remember.

But of course the one i want is far far away. I still haven't made up my mind about going back and in fact he has offered to move to melb if i don't. Either way though neither of us can continue doing this long distance thing for much longer.

Talk about pressure!

Blogger hwy

yesterday i posted this huge entry about toby in honour of his birthday and it (blogger) deleted it

and then i tried posting a simple happy birthday entry which appears as posted but doesn't actually appear. (edited to add: ok now it does appear but delayed a day)

________________________________________________

Anyhoo, i have question for people:

why do the majority of australians (myself included) call princess hwy princes hwy?

Go on you know you do it too

everyone does, i even spoke to someone in sydney today and they are guilty of very same habit

is it just part of our lazy language habits?

Happy Birthday Toby!

The message read:

"I got the job"

its amazing how much meaning and emotion resulted from those four words.

Toby got the one he wanted. The start of a new career for him. I am so happy for him. This however meant he can't come to Melb as previously planned.

For me though it means a decision has basically been made for me as i discussed with him several nights ago if he gets this job and enjoys it then i will return to HK to live.

I have no idea how i will tell my family.

I've already left them once before.

Tonight was fathers day dinner (delayed) i couldn't tell them then.

Uh!

I don't know how i feel about returning.

I hate my job (the full time one)

more than any other job i ever had

well apart from the miserable ones i had as a teenager (working in a fish and chip shop and telemarketing).

The decision has been made

I will try to learn Cantonese rather than Mandarin. Despite the fact that everyone tells me to learn mandarin for various sensible reasons including: it only has four tones instead of nine(therefore much much easier), and is spoken by more people in more places. Even the Australasian Centre of Chinese Studies states 'In general, we recommend you learn Mandarin unless you have a very specific reason to learn Cantonese. '

What's my specific reason?

because i'm nosey, basically i want to understand all of Toby's conversations (without him having to translate for me).

Anyone know where else apart form ACCS to learn Cantonese at a beginner level at a low cost?

Men and Women can be just friends

I like to argue this whenever someone claims they can't be

however i'm starting to think this is not true

just a few hints for the men out there:

If a female is constantly talking about her boyfriend (even if he is overseas) its a pretty good indication she has feelings for him and is not interested in you.

If a female sees where the conversation and/or physical interaction is going and moves away or changes the subject its probably because she is not interested.

If the matter has been discussed once and she says she is not interested a first time then more than likely she will not be interested a second time, if she is watch for very obvious signs.

It will avoid the un-necessary and extremely awkward and uncomfortable situation i was in on sat night when a male friend lunged at me. (this is the second time a male friend has attempted to turn a friendship into more since i got back)

From now on i'm staying away from un-attached straight men. It seems that the only relationship they are interested is not a friendship.

Don't understand people

who don't like seinfeld

and who don't love chocolate

The good, bad and ugly

UGLY

• people who project all their build up anger (over stupid trivial things) onto little ol me just because i answer the phone on behalf of the company on a SUNDAY.
• many of my co-workers (see entry below) at my full time job.

BAD

• working 14 days straight (will be a total of 18)
• issues with a friend who has issues
• credit card debt
• a $300 phone bill
• lack of 'proper' career options at present
• sitting in traffic for 1 hour on the way to and from work on weekdays

GOOD

• i'm still in lurrrve
• shopping on thur night and buying 4 items of clothing (including a coat) for $45 dollars
• friends
• family
• vo
• HIAV shepherds pie
• droste bittersweet dark chocolate
• with all the work i'm doing i'm bound to get out of my sucky financial situation soon
• a day off on friday
• chance toby will come to melb soon
• beating the odds (everyone else is sick and huge climate change) and not getting sick

Racism in the workplace

Her: I hate the Chinese (motioning towards the Japanese athlete)

Me: He's Japanese

H: All the same thing. I hate them all.

M: why?

H: I'm racist (laughs), no because they bring drugs into this country, and kill our people

M: They kill out people through drugs? (getting confused and more and more outraged)

H: Yeh and with their machetes, you never see anyone else with machetes

Have worked 7 days in a row

enough said!

And from my imagination a question:

most hated place in your city?


For me:

Chapel street. There is something about all that fakeness, and the cars with lots of work done to them driving up and down (pleaseeeeeeeeee) and the girls who are wearing mini skirts in the middle of melbournes winter, and the men who eyebrows are plucked and waxed more regularly than mine who also look all shiny possibly as a result of their excess hair wax dripping down their face. It all just bugs me just a tiny bit.

Still sitting on 4 calls

Now from here: http://mmadness.blogspot.com/

Here is the beginning of each of the following questions.....'If you had your choice between this and that, what would you do?

1. Skipping or Running skipping
2. Coke or Pepsi Coke (i can't stand pepsi- have a huge problem with the after taste)
3. Rock or Hip Hop Rock, rock, rock and more rock please
4. Laptop or Desktop Desktop
5. Cold Weather or Hot Weather hot weather (perhaps the only one of my friends who feels this way)
6. Swimming or Bicycling swimming
7. Chocolate or Vanilla choc (going from past experience vanilla people are a little dull)
8. Day or Night night by far
9. Looks or Brains brains whats the fun of looks?
10. Cable, DSL, or Dial-Up cable (people would actually prefer dial up????)

Now from here http://www.blogideas.com/

Chores you hate.

I could take the easy way out and say every one. But lets just stick to the worst of the worst.

1. Ironing- particuarly ironing shirts. I refuse to iron another mans shirt (inspired by emmas mum). I would like to say this site the feminist me coming out but really i just hate ironing.

2. Dishes- when someone else has cooked. If i have cooked i can control the mess but with someone else- a complete different type of chore.

3. Hanging the washing out in winter, in summer i don't have a problem.

4. Making the bed. What is the point really? I basically don't unless there is a special occasion.

5. Spring cleaning. I tend to be a collecter of junk so this is a major job for me although i think i am getting much better. Having to pay to ship 40k of stuff back to melb helped a little.

I did find this:

http://weblogs.about.com/od/memescollabs/

Now where to head first?

I took the Blogging Personality Quiz at About Web logs and I am...

The Daily Grinder
I love blogging because it's like therapy. I can write about anything and everything that happens to me - from the food I ate to what I was doing when I heard the latest 'breaking news'. Being able to communicate with my friends (online and/or real life) through my blog is important to me.

4 calls in 2 and half hours

See what i resorted to?


You are Xuan Wu!
Mythological background: Because the turtle has a
thick, solid shell that serves as protection -
this animal is associated with stability. You
enjoy intellectual pursuits. Also, in Feng Shui (the Chinese myths behind
choosing a house), the black turtle's solidity
is used to protect from cold northern winds.

Which Chinese Mythological Being Are You?
brought to you by

Hooligan Bear

Which Dysfunctional Care Bear Are You?
brought to you by

Ok people

Approaching two hours and still haven't taken any more calls (yes still standing on three calls).

Give me something to write about or read.

I was thinking something along the lines of a silly-ish blog style quiz.

Anything really.

At work

Its been just over an hour. Taken three calls and one man called twice in a row.

Tomorrow i start my new crappy full time call centre job. Which means this week i will work seven days straight.

Actually i will probably work both jobs for a couple of weeks before quitting the weekend one.

The problem is this job (the weekend one) is with my wonderful friend Marisa (my boss) and most of the time it is just like hanging out together.

As for what the hell i am doing i have basically given up on getting a 'real job' and have decided that my two best options are a) go back to get my masters or Dip Ed or b) return to Hong Kong.

I have no car
no computer
no money
no job
but lots of interviews for jobs i don't want.

NOW that the complaing is out the way.

On to more important stuff like:

Happy CCC day.

( on this day several months ago i finally got together with Mr Chan after much and i mean much flirting with both of us taking forever to get up the nerve to do something about it). What does CCC stand for- well thats a secret!

and here 

gotta love those blue eyes 

Introducing the latest member of my family- Paris! 

So great

She has extended my hours from 5 a week to 15-16 hours with possibly some more.

And offered to drive me to work this weekend.

Last week she made me a great sandwhich at work.

Such a great boss.

Such a great friend.

Thanks Meesa!

My useless wheel. 

One bloody big hole! 

Last night after picking up my friend Dan from his place i drove around the corner over- (well in reality slightly in and out of) an exposed storm water drain opening (we are talking about a huge huge huge hole- one that i could quite easily fit inside). Needless to say it completely fucked up my car (yes profanity is neccesary sometimes). I now have two flat tires, dented wheel caps, and god knows what under-car damage. So I currently have no car and a waiting for a reply from my local council. You see the council was doing somesort of work and had put a large metal sheet over it and some hoon has managed to move it with her/her powerful car. Stupid idiots! It took two police oficers, my stepfather and a friend alot of effort to actually move the metal sheet back to where it was supposed to be covering it.

Why do i get the feeling that they will make me pay for it then tie everything up with paperwork before reinbursing me?

I'm still waiting for my refund from Cathay (apparently it takes 3 months).

Thankfully i did however get a refund on my two speeding fines yesterday. Looks like it will all be going to my car.

Yesterday
 
I had lunch (well technically breakfast for me) at vo with friend from HK who is here

Had dinner with Marisa and then went and seen  the band Origami who i lurrrrrrrrrved.

Then had my required 1 hr conversation with my darling

why can't everyday be like that?

Life or something like it

So i'm working part time at my old work (like 5 hrs a week or something ridiculous like that)

Am still waiting for refund from Cathay (long story) 

so completely broke that i'm having to borrow from my mother

applying for all sorts of crappy jobs that i don't really want

and am kind of stuck in terms of career options and my long term relationship.

Nah its still not good to be back! 

Oh that Question
 
I was out sat night when a friend of a friend starting to make some comment along the lines of i'm only got one thing to ask about veganism, and then started to look embarrased and said 'no i can't ask it'.

He didn't have to i knew, knowing what the question had to be:

'do vegans swallow?'

I've always just assumed that men are purely playing when they ask this, but judging from the number of times i'm been asked it i'm starting to wonder whether some men really are that stupid.

Just in case heres some others answering the question i'm sick of answering. 

  

Toby's no longer a part of 22 cats.  

Bits and pieces  

I didn't get the job i wanted (perhaps because i got the time confused and turned up 30 mins late for the second interview) I did however get offered a weekend position working both yes BOTH sat and sundays with the teamleader being one of my best friends miss meesa.

Am considering getting a full time crappy job too working monday to friday and becoming a workaholic temporary just to save a little, pay back a few debts and perhaps get together with my international darling.

I went and seen MC5 tonight and hopefully seeing mach pelican on sat.

Oh yeh and one of the family cats (dairy) that disappeared about 3 weeks ago come back today and looks like someone else has been taking very good care of him.

Btw- notice a few changes on here- yes i've been busy! 

I wish i was there 

Regression is:
 

• moving back with parents
• going back to old crappy call centre job (well maybe have to go through one more interview)
• being completly broke again

btw: love the new blogger tricks 

I must be in lurrve either that or crazy.
 
A friend just offered a relatively crazy solution to my' should he come here' or 'i go back' dilemma:
 
Whoever gets a proper (not temping or short term) job firsts stays where they are and the other one moves to that place.
 
Being the crazy girl i am it kind of seems feasible- even a good idea.
 
I'm not sure what happened to me but i've also become one of these people that will move for a man. One amazing, beautiful man. But a man all the same!
 
Another plan he suggested and later dismissed- i go back to hk for a year or two and that allows him to work on his English (for the record its good but certainly not perfect) and build on some sort of career foundation so that when we both return to melb he can get a decent job. This also seems plausible.
 
Its Toby birthday in September and i would love to be with him somewhere so we have also discussed him coming to Melb for a holiday Which i would love more than anything.
 
Money and lack of jobs is deferring us being together what ever we do.
 
This week i am determined i will get a job- no matter how crappy. 
 
 

Thanks

Stu- your the best!

Oh nooooooooo

I have become one of 'those people' who talks about their significant other alot.

I don't know how that happened.

and

Toby's band (22 cats) made it into the top 10 of hk charts

i'm really happy for him and the band


but the selfish part of me can't help thinking that this can't be good news for 'us'.

Also simba the family cat had to be put down today as it ate rat poison(not ours)and was suffering quite alot. RIP Simba!

Last night
I had a drink and watched Super size me with Bryce.

It made me feel a little better somehow.

First hanging out with Bryce reminded me that everyone has bad luck, and Bryce seems to perfect the art of laughing in the face of his misfortune. We had a great big laugh out at financial problems, living with parents, and bad employment situations. Sick maybe but very therapeutic.

Second, John Robbins was in the movie, i looooooooooove him. Something about the way he writes that just makes me melt. I should probably explain he doesn't write some cheesy romance books but talks about the impact our diet has on the word. No thats not really the second thing. The movie has guilted me into realising i really should cut down on my crap lifestyle of overly processed rubbish and lack of exercise.

The good thing about HK is everything is so close that you can walk there, but that actually means you end up walking quite alot.

So plan B: will start cooking again (a little more than baked beans on toast) and trying to incorporate some form of exercise in there too.

As soon as i get a job as well i am going to start somesort of class- yoga, wing chun something.

From Lee Ching Leung's (Toby's friend) Porcelain:

'what on earth could grieve me more, than to be wide awake when the loved one is sleeping, to be separated from a young darling woman like her, dreaming in her travelling dreams... and what could ache my heart more than to witness 2 beings, me, her, separated by the human form'

Well i can think of just a few things!

I hate movies right now.

If this was a movie i could have listened when he said don't go, i could have turned back even at the airport ignoring the ticket i just re-brought and ignoring the fact that i have no accomodation options, job or money at all. I could afford to jump on the next plane to HK, even fly him here NOW.

If this was a movie we would be together now rather than waiting 2-6- 12 months to be together. If this was a movie him living in Australia would be ok, he would be able to find a job in melbourne and we could have our happy ever after.

In life though, i had to endure 'that goodbye', the pain, the constant struggle of trying to get motivated for everyday crap without him.

Re-entry shock

Thanks for the tip- Erin.

Why hadn't anyone else- pre warned me? Hell why didn't i learn about in my bloody psy degree.

My googling revealed: "Re-entry shock is simply the shock of being home. It's the reverse culture shock you experience in your own country when you visit places that should be familiar to you, but aren't; try to interact with people you should feel comfortable with, but don't; or face situations you should be able to handle, but can't"

You know you are having reverse culture shock when....

Feeling like a foreigner. Yes

Feeling like you've changed, while every one else has stayed the same. Kind of

Becoming critical of Australian Society kind of

Homesick for another home major yes

Feelings of Uselessness yes although i am hoping that it will change once i start working

Anyway the good news i should be over this relatively soon-ish.

Melbourne, Melbourne, Melbourne

Do you love it or hate it?

At the moment i'm failing to see exactly what i missed about the place.

Plan A: I plan to see as many live shows as i can in the next month or two.

Something i have missed in HK.

Now why in the hell is PJ not playing in melb (while she is playing in byron bay), disgusting!

Ive had two people who said i look/sound tired.

I shouldn't be, i oversleep if anything.

I read alot- just finished Murakami's dance dance dance.

I watch alot of television.

Am online too much.

Go out occasionaly to dinner, to shop, or just to socialise.

It sounds perfect right?

But its driving me crazy.

I'm bored, feel lifeless, and am missing HK like crazy.

Flashback - a conversation in Bangkok

Me: do you what song this is? (referring to song playing in restaurant)

T: 'In my life' produced by Josh Martin recorded in abbeyroad. Paul McCarteney is using a hofner, club 63 precisely. John Lennon is using a rickenbacker. This is the second or thrid most used song at funerals. Really popular until 'candle in the wind' come along.

Me: you a fan of the beatles?

T: No.

The arrangements

He has sole custody of jack and jill (the fish).

I'm back in Melbourne broke and not knowing what to do with myself.

And once again i'm in a long distance relationship.

There was crying

Well actually more like sobbing from me

loud crying not just tears

and his eyes weren't exactly dry either

A conversation with two supposably rational adults over changing the water of goldfish bowl.

Me: i don't want to do it, i'm scared they will get scared or i'll hurt them or something

Him: Me too

Me: how are we going to do this?

Him: maybe a spoon?

Me: Ok

Him: no they might jump and die

Me: yes

Him: maybe a cup

yes: the black one

Him: we won't use the black cup again

Me: Ok, i'm going to do this, arghhhhhhhh sorry little fishy don't get scared

After a minute or two i've procastinating he takes the cup from my hand

Him: ok i'll do it- come on in babe

Me: what?

Him: no not you i have another babe.

Me: of course your talking to the fish

Him: Come in (trying to corner the fish into coming into the mug)

Me: maybe the fish associates black with sharks or something

Finally the first fish goes in the cup.

Me: now we just need to get his brother

After several attempts the second fish also goes in the mug.

And we have two goldfish in the extra bowl.

I then clean out the bowl in the sink (kitchen) and he asks 'are we going to wash the dishes in this sink'

I shake my head but can kind of see how that idea is gross to him.

After much and i mean much conversation of the best technique i've getting them back in the the now clean water we finally achieve the desired outcome.

Me: do you think they are happier in cleaner water?

Him: i don't think any being is happier trapped and stuck inside a bowl

Me: true, maybe we should release them

Him: yes

Me: but then maybe they won't survive; their not street smart anymore, well river smart or whatever

He just shakes his head.

what does my rockstar (ok not quite yet) boyfriend want to eat before his big album release concert-at night time mind you?

but vegemite on toast

and not in tiny amounts like how i have it

no he wants it covered in the stuff

Bloody rational thoughts

Last night he said the words I have said many times lately although i'm not sure i meant it at all,

the same words that everyone tells me

'maybe we should end it when you leave'

of course this hurt

i wanted him to disagree with me like he always does or to say nothing

how can i possiby be hurt when hes just aggreeing with me, for the first time on this matter

I mean what rational future does this relationship has?

we do the horrible thing of long distance for god knows how long

then what?

then either he has to re-locate to Melb or me to HK

either way is not practical either way is not fair.

Life sucks sometimes

but that doesn't mean i'm going to not enjoy the last month i have with him nor does it neccesary mean we will break up when i leave

as rational as it is we have spoke about it and want to try the irrational alternative at least for a little while.

I should be happy right?

I'm going home

the place where i have lived for almost 20 years (born and lived in tas for while)

where all my family and most of my good friends are

but i'm not

i'm sad

i'm not ready to go home

to face my reality in Melbourne

its such a crazy thought considering how many times in the past i wanted so badly to be back

A couple of things have happened

and the choice was basically made for me

i'm coming home in less than two months.

We make hundreds of decisions every day.

So many without thinking.

So many out of habit.

So many without hesitation.

But then there are the bigger more obvious ones like where should i should spent the next year of my life?

They are the ones that scream at you, that you spent sleepless nights thinking about, that seem to be there in the pit of the stomach when you wake up.

I'm hesitating yes.

I'm torn.

I don't want to regret this one.

I simply don't know what i want.

culture smulture

So he's chinese and i'm not

well apparently its a little more of an issue that i thought:

he commented early on that he doesn't know how his parents will react to hearing about me

a chinese friend i've mine has said she will never date someone who isn't chinese

another friend of mine has said that i shouldn't mistake a holiday romance for a romance

someone else has said 'what your dating a local guy, i've never even done that'

and the stares, we get alot of stares being together out in public

More...

He has the most beautiful fascinating hands with incredibly long fingers

he squeezes my hand or comfortably pats me on the back every time i cough (which is a lot lately)

and today he rode the mtr (train) all the way to Mongkok (like 5 extra stations) with me just to spend extra time with me (like seeing each other 5 days in a row isn't enough) and keep me company before having to return through the same 5 stations alone

and he wanted to walk a couple of extra blocks today to put the plastic bottles in a recycling container


Hong Kong is a completely different experience for me now.

So much more beautiful...

Nothing is everything

Me home sick
him over
eating avocado, tomato and pine nuts with bread
lots of hugs
him practicing bass
while i rest, read and occasionally watch
drinking lots of tea
and just hanging out
doing not much at all (so unlike me)

so lazy

so perfect

Decisions, decisions, decisions

I spoke to Petula today about living with her

which would be great

but I really need to decide how long i'm going to stay here for

but the problem is i really do have a love/hate relationship with the place

If only i could combine all the good aspects of HKwith all the good aspects of Melbourne.

If only...

Urghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Of course my four day weekend where I have the house to myself is ruined by this ridiculous disgusting phlegmy cough.

I always seem to be sick here. Ok the last time i caused it upon myself with alcohol and i guess i haven't been taking good care of myself lately either eating lots of soy chocolate choc chip ice cream, green and blacks chocolate, pretzels and vo cake. As well as up staying up late everynight chatting with a certain someone. Plus all my students don't seem to understand covering their mouths when they cough and/or sneeze.

Toby (see previous two entries) has been great offering to come and take care of me. But who wants to be seen at their worst- all miserable inside and out by someone you like especially in the early stages of relationship? I really appreciate his determination to try though and his Chinese medicine advice and general support via text messages. Pretty impressive that he evens has time to consider me or my health since he is working such crazy hours (til 2am). Being taken care of when sick is something very very high on my list of required qualities in a partner. So high that when a certain ex was un-empathetic i considering breaking it off with him straight away .

Yes i admit it i'm a big baby when i'm sick.

The goss

He's:

Chinese
very tall
a vegan
plays bass in band
does yoga

and is generally a sweet cool guy.

Uh huh

After a couple of weeks i've trying to analyse the mixed messages I was getting.

My question was finally answered this evening:

by a major make out session in the kitchen.

Don't won't to say too much yet.

Don't want to jinx it.

Not just a book

This lovely woman referred me to this book:

A language older than words

and i love it. Its so raw, so emotional and so true in so many ways.

While i don't agree with everything, he raises so many great points:

On religion:

" It is easier to listen to the voice of God than it is listen to the voice of one's conscience."

"A primary purpose of Judeo-Christian culture has not been to move us toward a community where the teaching of someone like Jesus- simple and necessary suggestions for how to get along with each other- are made manifest in all aspects of life, but instead to provide a theological framework for a system of exploitation'

From my fav chapter (Silencing):

"Think for a moment about the figure i gave earlier: twenty-five percent of all women in this culture are raped dung their lifetimes. One out of four. Next, think for a moment about the number of children beaten, or of the hundred and fifty million, one hundred and fifty million- enslaved, carrying bricks, chained to looms, chained to beds. If you were not one of the women raped, if you were not one of the children beaten, if you were not one of the children enslaved, these numbered probably don't mean much to you. This is understandable. Consider your own life, the ways you deny your own experience, the ways you have to deaden your empathies to get through the day"

"We don't stop these atrocities, because we don't talk about them. We don't talk about them, because we don't think about them, because they're too horrific to comprehend".

Thank you Emma!

A new friendship

Dinner at a cheap but good veggie restaurant

A hour in a music store discussing music and movies.

Walking me home in the rain and carrying the umbrella for me.

Saying a rather long goodbye and not minding the gentle rain pouring on us.

It's almost my birthday.

Almost time for some heavy self relfection.

another blah day

blah work

blah home

blah sleep now

Needs

The last couple of days i have been craving:

hopping into my car and driving with my fav cd in the cd player relatively loud.

Thanks Erin for rubbing it in.

If things keep up the way they are i'm coming home a little sooner than planned like maybe March.

I think i will be back by June at the very latest.

Its kind of nice

In a weird way

Learning that you can still discover things about yourself

Just when you think you know yourself ...

Toilet Etiquette

I'm at home and need to know when the dry cleaners close because its almost 6.55pm and if they close at 7 then i need to run down asap.

So i call out a few times and ask.

No answer

He's in the toilet and as later explained heard the question but can't answer when in the toilet.

I knew guys can't do two things at once but thats just ridiculous.

Back again

Its been harder here in HK since i've been back home.

Which probably explains why my phone still reads melb time.

As a friend of mine pointed out the first time its a holiday, its exciting, its new. Now i'm back and i keep comparing it to melb.

Which is probably a bad time to compare if ever. I left Melb summer for HK winter. I'm certainly a summer girl.

I left all my friends and family behind to live in a city where i have only a couple of friends.

The language thing.

And the food......

Yes i'm home sick more so than before.

But i would rather think of it as re-adjusting.

To a life which is completely different to my life in Melbourne.

So its Mid January

and maybe a little too late for reflection of 2003 but oh well.

Events of 2003:

Holiday to Bryon Bay for first time
Start working at Primary school first after uni job
start my probationary period as psychologist
start doing some unpaid psy work
boyfriend of the time accepts manger position overseas
go overseas for the first time
decide to move overseas despite breakup of 2 yr relationship
decline marriage proposal from another man
start working as native English teacher
visit Macau, and Shenzhen (china)
first time away from family and friends for xmas and nye

I'm sure there is much more but that will do for now.

I'm starting 2004 quitting my English teacher position from Australia and accepting another one.

Already things are happening

Do you think there is something wrong if i'm more jealous of an ex's new location (north fitzroy) than the new love of his life?